I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
