I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Randomize
