there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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