Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
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