my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
