i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
