That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I wear drunk well.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
