Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
