I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i dont even know how to be here
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
