Don't you send me to vm
are you so shy because you have an std?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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