"it" just moved
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
