Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
