pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
