I wish my penis had an off switch
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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