I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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