Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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