Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
pop tarts are not kleenex
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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