I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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