I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
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