It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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