you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
