I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
