i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize