o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
We named our party play list daddy issues
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
