Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
