Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
