i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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