there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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