there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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