The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
