I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
