i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
