I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize