I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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