i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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