girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
