he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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