Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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