I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Randomize
