Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
