I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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