My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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