all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
