His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
