Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
