hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
