Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
