Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
soo... how was my night?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
