apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
