Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
It's blow job season.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
