i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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