Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
