Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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