Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
