oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
