the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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