I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
