You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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