If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
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