awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
