I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
