u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
