you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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