ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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