How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
