we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I had to cum in my sink.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
