Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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