I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
NoShamevember. You game?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
