Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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