Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
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