It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
