yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
