Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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