you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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