Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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