the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
