I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
you didnt know i had herpes?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
