Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
