My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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