We're like a lot better than the average bears
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
