Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
