when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
