I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
