His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
