remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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