I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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