where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
