You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
