Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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