dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
