I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
