ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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