the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
