How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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